dealing with a loud neighbour... again!

[rick]

I live in a bachelor suite in a small apartment building downtown. The building is almost 100 years old and sound proofing is almost non-existent here. Not only do I live on the corner of two high traffic roads, but I can often hear my downstairs and next door neighbours voices when they have company over or when they are moving about their suites. The tenants here are quiet for the most part, but there have been some loud and inconsiderate tenants I have had to deal with in the past and it looks like I am having to deal with another one...

A few months ago a new tenant moved into the suite right next to mine. Most of the time he is quiet or he is away doing whatever it is that he does. He also works in the morning, Monday to Friday, same as me. So all that works out in my favor.

My issue with him is that on some nights, either on weekdays or weekends, he will have company over and they will talk at full volume (almost shouting) while they walk through the hallway. This is usually at night after 11:00 PM when I am trying to sleep and obviously it wakes me up. I once yelled at them, saying, "HOLY SHIT! I am trying to sleep!" to which they just ignored me. I have also slammed the wall when I was awoken by him and his girlfriend yelling at each other (in his kitchen) at 4:00 AM and another time when it was past midnight and he was making a racket in the kitchen.

About a week ago I randomly walked passed this tenant in the apartment hallway. I could tell he was angry at me and he walked passed me without giving me any space. So he clearly doesn't like it when I slam the walls or yell at him to shut up. Okay... would he rather I knock on his door and politely ask him to keep the volume down? Would that have worked?

I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe the problem is with me and it is high time I found another place to live. I mean, what can I expect from a cheap, poorly maintained apartment like this one?

I didn't know where to post this. I am feeling denied rage over being disturbed by other tenants, this one in particular... and I am also afraid of confrontation and being attacked as this guy is larger than I am. My landlord wont do shit.

[rick]

I don't think I will find another place as cheap as this one, plus I do not like to idea of signing another 12 month lease... but maybe moving out is the best decision for me.

[Shenreed]

Hi Rick,

So you know what your issues are. Right? <quote> I am feeling denied rage_____  & ____ I am also afraid of confrontation and being attacked as this guy is larger than I am <end quote>

Expressing yourself when you are disturbed is expressing your real anger and rage, and it's not being denied, unless there was more that you wanted to do or say, but didn't. The issue you seem to have the most problem with is confrontation and being attacked. I think/feel he got the message, and he doesn't like that you challenged him. He's basically a bully that thinks he can do what he wants. His not giving you space in the hallway was another way of intimidating you, and it activated you into your fear of confrontation, where you denied expressing what you really felt, and that is what is lingering and bugging you now.

Know that if you speak your truth and not deny yourself in anyway, he will have no power over you. You don't have to get all riled up and angry, as that is denied anger, you just have to speak your truth in the moment... AND.... this is KEY...  MEAN WHAT YOU SAY. If you are bull shitting, he will smell it and you may have the physical confrontation that you fear. Moving to another place will just be a temporary solution as your denied anger and rage and fear of confrontation remains unhealed.

Shenreed

[rick]

Hi Rick,

So you know what your issues are. Right? "I am feeling denied rage_____  & ____ I am also afraid of confrontation and being attacked as this guy is larger than I am"

Yes, I do... The same issues that I have dealt with my whole life: Fear of confrontation and fear of being attacked. I also have fear expressing myself as I believe that what I say will only get me into deeper shit, so I keep my mouth shut and trudge on in a state of hopelessness and misery. Story of my life. Also, expressing myself in the moment is the most difficult thing... I always miss the opportunity.

The apartment directly beneath my neighbour's is currently vacant and it's been empty for quite a few months now. I am praying that the next tenant who moves in there is a night owl who likes to party. Maybe that will help my neighbour see things from my point of view.

[rick]

Here's an update from my last few posts:

My neighbor hasn't been making much noise lately. I know that he hasn't changed his behavior at all, he just hasn't had any guests over lately and it seems that he is often away, probably visiting his girlfriend/kids or something.

Ever since the incident when I encountered my neighbor in the hallway I have been feeling extremely uncomfortable here. His intent was to intimidate me, and it worked. I am still feeling denied rage and terror over his actions and I do not know how to deal with such intense emotions. I know that if I let them loose, it will only intensify the problem and I will have a potentially dangerous situation on my hands.

Today I went out for a short walk to grab something from the store. When I walked outside the front doors, my neighbor was standing outside have a smoke and drinking beer with some of the other tenants in the building. I walked past them and went on my way.

After grabbing what I needed from the store, I walked back to my apartment and noticed that my neighbor and the other tenants were still outside chatting and drinking beer. This time when I walked past them to open the front door, I heard my neighbor say to me "adios."...

I ignored him and continued upstairs. I didn't say anything as I was already activated into my terror and rage... I know I will have to face this redneck bully eventually and I don't know how it will play out. This whole situation reminds me of the asshole customer I mentioned in a previous thread of mine on the The Heart Center before everything was deleted. The situation was similar as I was dealing with a guy who is larger than I am. I would encounter this customer in the store every Sunday and he would intentionally stand in my work space with the intent to intimidate me. Now in this present situation, the bully is my neighbor and every time I step out of my apartment I might encounter him.

I plan on recording any future interactions I have with my neighbor and if the situation becomes threatening, I will express my fear and my intent to defend myself by any means necessary. I will also report anything that happens to the landlord and possibly the police. I am sick and tired of this shit. I can't even feel safe in the place where I fucking live.