Love is:
Compassion, Acceptance and Connection are inter-woven with Love (Unconditional Love). If either one is missing, it's the result of a Judgment, Denial or Attachment in some form or another. Also, all three need to be felt in the moment.BTW... Guilt and shame are not Love.
If you don't have all three (compassion, acceptance and a connection), when you either express in words or actions; then guilt and shame are brought on by a judgment, denial or an attachment. If you think guilt and shame are healthy, then you need to ask yourself why you feel guilty or ashamed for what you said or did... If you are truthful, it will go back to judgment, denial or attachment that is not loving.
If you don't think the above is true, then you need to focus on understanding what judgments, denials and attachments are. To know what love is; you need to know what is NOT love.